Up here in the hollows, life can be harsh at times; a counterpoint to the lessening of civilization’s manic stress, that comes when you live close to the land.

A simple trip down the hill in winter can bring you closer to God than any church sermon. We develop tenacity and self-reliance—or move on. We know right when we see it. And we know what wrong is. A tolerance for the eccentricities of our neighbors, combined with long road frontage, makes for a happy community. Maybe the rest of the world can take a lesson from this.

Living with the rhythms of weather and season, we learn to understand the cycles of life around us. Which is a perfect lead in for the issue I really want to talk about, which is the draft.

“What!” you may say, “But there is no draft!”

Well, I’m here to tell you that there is, right now, a fully staffed Selective Service Office, not far from where you work and play. And right now, they are looking at their clean desks and taking seminars and special training, and they are just waiting to get the word that they are good to go! And when they get that word, shortly after the election in November if Bush is actually elected, they will be locked and loaded and ready to swing into action.

All those fresh-faced eighteen and nineteen year olds (read teenagers), will no longer have to worry about how their jobs have been shipped overseas, how we have the highest tax burden on the planet and no health care. How a surplus turned into a bottomless deficit they will be paying for over the next 20 years. How we went from the most admired, to the most hate, country in just a few short years.

They will not have time to concern themselves with these big picture issues, if they ever did. Because simple survival will be their most pressing concern.

Now, I am not here to make fun of the foreign policy of the current band of thugs to take over the White House. Western Civilization has a long and glorious (bloody) history of failing to be able to hold and occupy large territories far from home. Rome did not fare well in Britain, and Britain did not fare well in America. To point out this obvious fact is an insult to the intelligence of our President (IQ 92), and doing so would probably violate 12 Homeland Security Statutes.

Thinking about all this heavy stuff sometimes gets me so depressed, I have to self-medicate with beer etc. This, of course, just makes me think about stuff even more.

“Why?” I ask the heavens, my wife, and the cat. “Why is common sense so damn uncommon?”

Anybody with common sense can see that you win more hearts and minds with bread than bullets.

Anyone with common sense can see that all people just want a bit of the Earth to live on in peace with their like-minded neighbors.

Anyone with common sense can see that shooting up ambulances is really going to piss off the locals.

So there I was, thinking, and spending good money on self medication, and still being depressed about the whole thing with us eating up the planet and still killing each other and all; and then it hit me!

Common sense is so damn uncommon because of fluoride in the water, “No wait!” Because 2-year-olds spend 6 hours a day in front of the TV; “Hold it!” Because of the educational system! “Stop!” It’s because of the dissociation between nature and humans.

I guess common sense is so damn uncommon for all those reasons, and more. And also just plain dumbness, gullibility and a lack of motivation caused by the above.

Somebody has be the rebel and let it be known, “The Emperor has no clothes!”

I guess Hollow people are pretty important after all.

These essays were written for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of Vermont Soap, its employees, board of directors, our Web host, Web designer, the neighbors who live up the road; or any of the thousands of people who use our stuff. Originally published in edited form by Comic News. Many thanks to Seasoned Books, without which, life in the Holler may never have become a reality.