Up in the Hollows we tend to keep our machines running somewhat past their prime. I’m not sure what gives up first; the machine, or the machine fixer. You get to a point where you spend more time fixing it than actually using it. I guess that’s what yard sales are for.

Given the high cost of waste disposal, and the incredibly low price points of the yard sale circuit, I have resorted to putting my junk by the roadside with a big FREE sign on it. Works like a charm. Seems some people can’t resist a free deal. I humbly pass this onto all wannabe recyclers and to anyone on a budget.

It seems like my entire life is held together with duct tape and well wishes. Do they make white duct tape for finish work? I always thought a Vermonter invented duct tape, but some multinational did. Vermonters just figured out what to do with it.

I had this old AMC Gremlin when I was a kid. Took it up to get inspected. Man says he, "Can't see no holes - or it don't pass". Duct taped it, inspected it, and drove away. I use duct tape to tune my drums, protect my hands from blisters, and for emergency shoe repair. Good for weather proofing old windows, as long as you intend to replace them in the Spring. I hear it even cures warts.

I had this old AMC Gremlin when I was a kid. Took it up to get inspected. Man says, “Can’t see no holes—or it don’t pass.” Duct taped it, inspected it, and drove away.

I use duct tape to tune my drums, protect my hands from blisters, and for emergency shoe repair. Good for weather proofing old windows, as long as you intend to replace them in the spring. I hear it even cures warts.

Problem is—duct tape is not permanent. It’s a temporary fix, never intended to become a lifestyle. Like rotting sills, everything seems fine—for the moment. But duct tape rarely actually fixes anything, it just keeps it going a bit longer. And therein lies the rot. Everything still holds together, but going long range, duct tape is no substitute for the real deal.

Everything. From our patched together computer system, the noisy plumbing, the old truck, the sketchy lawnmower and the finicky vacuum cleaner; they all work, but need extra attention and work around every time. The frustration level is high, and all this inefficiency really does take the fun out of things. That is, unless you truly enjoy keeping aging machinery running as long as possible.

I have finally concluded, (okay, I am threatening to conclude), to go down to the friendly neighborhood banker, and refinance myself a new life. Replace everything. Buy new and stimulate the economy. Work extra if I have to; heck, I am already working extra just getting the chores done.

It is an idle threat. I am obsessed with protecting my equity. Equity is what you do with as much of your income as you can muster. It’s a part time job you do not have to go to. You do have to pay attention to it, improve it, and nurture it. It is the big payola at the end of the paycheck.

You have to live somewhere. Do you want to be paying on your landlord’s mortgage or your own? My truck may be rusty, but it’s paid for. It is a balance between the monthly bill, and the occasional trip to the auto repair shop. Cash flow and equity. These are the keys to financial security.

Cash flow without equity is ponderous and short lived. Flash without substance. Equity without cash flow is why some farmers (and many a farmer’s wife) work 40 hours off the farm just to keep it going.

Countries have equity too. Your money is backed by the full faith and credit of the American people. In Ghana, interest rates dropped recently from 50% to 25%. They are building equity—and credit.

The US built up a lot of equity after WW II. We built freeways and strip malls, cloverleaf on ramps and sewage treatment plants. We created a strong middle class, and everyone bought savings bonds because it was the right thing to do. There is a theory, that the American patrician class was so grateful at the sacrifice of the citizenry, who, during two World Wars, mobilized, fought, and died to keep them in power; that they allowed, (for the first time ever on a large scale), a strong and dynamic middle class, eventually open to every citizen who works for it. This reduced the patrician’s piece of the action a bit in the beginning, but the resulting economic boom ultimately made those lucky few, richer than kings.

Here’s a social/economic policy that actually works. Support and strengthen the middle class, and economic prosperity will inevitably follow.

Over time, the memory of the sacrifice faded. The GI Bill, so instrumental in laying the groundwork for this new economy, faded with it. Sixty years have passed. Two new generations have come to power in its wake. A new class of women and men wield tremendous power and world influence. Some have never bought their own groceries, or cooked their own breakfast, now decide the future of Western civilization.

Don’t know about you, but I am scared shitless.

The future of life as we know it is in the hands of fools. Really, really, rich and really, really powerful fools.

When a poor citizen is “teched in de head,” we say they are crazy. Add a few zeroes on their tax return, and they are “a bit eccentric.” Funny how people tolerate, heck, imitate, the eccentricities of the patrician class.

There is an entrance fee to be part of the new American patrician class: 50 million dollars. Run-of-the-mill millionaires (pardon the pun), need not apply. Ten and twenty million millionaires can come to the parties. But to be truly “in,” you need to beat that magic number.

“Hey, you gotta draw the line someplace, right?”

It is no coincidence that the minimum take from fleeing Enron executives was 50 million

The lure of power is intoxicating. Few mortals have the humility and strength to remain true to themselves and their ideals while in its grip. Subtle shifts in perception quickly appear. It starts with a sense of “those people.”

If you ever hear the phrase “Those People” in a conversation run. The concept of “Those People” is the root of racism, sexism, or any other kind of ism or bias you can have. It’s also at the root of class bias-ism.

It’s time to stop duct taping our nation; our economy, roads, schools, mass transportation, energy policy. We need to look closely at how we budget the 1.7 trillion dollar/year Federal skim off the economy, and what our national priorities are for all that loot. But mostly we need to honestly ask ourselves, “Do we really want to make duct tape a national infrastructure lifestyle?”

It’s up to the New American Patrician Class to loosen the noose now. To stop lining their pockets for a while, and reinvest in America. To make the long-term solutions rather than short-term duct tape “fixes.”

Until they do, I wonder if I can keep that old lawn mower going another season.

These essays were written for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of Vermont Soap, its employees, board of directors, our Web host, Web designer, the neighbors who live up the road; or any of the thousands of people who use our stuff. Originally published in edited form by Comic News. Many thanks to Seasoned Books, without which, life in the Holler may never have become a reality.