The Hollows and Valleys of Vermont are particularly beautiful this time of year. Snow covers the mud and garbage, so even the rudest shotgun shack takes on a romantic appeal. It’s a time of being teased by bouts of warmth and intense cold. Not everyone takes well to this, and signs of “cabin fever” can pop up unexpectedly in our normally sedate human interactions. The official word is that 93% of Vermonters are affected by S.A.D., Seasonal something Disorder, or just plain cabin fever. Cabin fever is caused by a decrease of light to the pineal gland, which is located sort of in the middle of our heads, along the optic nerve. It senses light intensity and wavelength, and, it is hypothesized, releases chemicals that tell us what the cyclical rhythms of our body will be.

This gland must be deficient in teenagers, because most of them will seem to want to sleep all day and play all night. Perhaps this had value to our Hunter/Gatherer ancestors, but it can be a pain in the butt fitting them into basic Western Civilization lifestyles like school or work. Cabin fever is easily cured by a week or so of exposure to intense full spectrum light. Translation: Take a week or two off and go sit in the southern sun. It will really piss off your homestead bound neighbors. The wife and I fell into doing 2-4 week volunteer stints in Africa. It is not by coincidence that we schedule our journeys for mid-winter. We volunteer our time, but all expenses are paid. In exchange we teach useful skills like soap making, essential oil distillation, oil seed processing, and agricultural marketing; skills we have learned a thing or two about from living in the Hollows, and from working at Vermont Soapworks in Middlebury, Vermont.

I recommend volunteer work to any sane person with agricultural skills looking to travel. It will change your life. Volunteering is good for you, and good for your neighbors, at home and abroad. Up in the Hollows we practice something called At Will Employment. No, this does not mean when the roof leaks you call Bill the Handyman. At Will Employment means that I agree do work, and you agree to pay me. If either one wants to end the arrangement we can—at will. At Will Employment means we can no longer practice Indentured Servitude up in the Hollows of Vermont. This was the former practice of selling oneself into slavery for a loan; typically for a ticket over the ocean and payment of back debts.

Seven years under a bad master can be very tough psychologically. Some never did live that free life they were promised. Eight years under a bad Federal master can be hard too. I pray the world will recover.

Certainly, the US will never be the same.

You’ll still have the same Corporate/Political/Military/Media/Intelligence machine your parents had since Eisenhower. Thing is, these guys have gotten so damn good at their jobs. Really, really good. The perspective spin boys can sell most people, pretty damn near everything from cola to war.

I have never, ever, shot a fish in a barrel, nor do I know anybody who has ever shot fish in a barrel. But it must be easier than line fishing, because everyone knows what I am talking about when I mention it. It is just too damn easy for the ones with the really deep pockets (pockets so deep normal working people could not imagine) to get their way. And whatever they can’t sell, they can envelope in Reasonable Doubt.

I am fascinated by the concept of Reasonable Doubt. Nothing is actually proved or disproved. Just present a believable argument, or a believable discrediting statement for the opposition. Reasonable Doubt. Well, absence of fact plus Reasonable Doubt do not equal the truth. When I was growing up we had this actress called Jane Fonda. She was pretty famous for showing off her legs in a low budget sci-fi movie called “Barbarella.” Jane started showing up to save the whales, and the sea otters and a bunch of other critters we were encroaching on. I think she started making a difference, because pretty soon, every time I talked about demonstrating for peace or setting aside land for critter habitat, people would ask me: “What are you, Jane Fonda?”

Well I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be a Jane Fonda or not. She was doing a pretty good job of it herself. But I will tell you, this kind of disinformation campaign works, and soon it became uncool to demonstrate for critters. What could be more cool than pro critter demonstrating? Pretty much nothing short of a hemp seed cookie from Sandy’s downstreet. Pretty soon, you couldn’t get a decent demonstration together with a promise of free beer. No one wanted to be a Jane Fonda.

With results like that, it wasn’t long before other words became unpopular. Liberal, for one. “What are you, a bleeding heart Liberal?” became the ultimate put down. A bleeding heart liberal was some kind of deluded Momma’s boy who thought people should get welfare because their parents made them go to school. No one wanted to be known as a Liberal—trust me. Being called a Liberal was exactly the same as being told, “Whadaya, stupid?” I hear liberal is making a comeback among urban coastal dwellers with advanced degrees. Go figure!

Liberalism, the way I learned it, came out of the idea of a strong middle class with opportunities for advancement and education for all. Hmmm....sounds like the old America to me. Since when is a burdensome nanny state the definition of liberalism? All the famous nanny state countries are socialist! What we did in the US is to take the heavy tax burden of the nanniest socialist nanny state countries and substitute military spending for things like free day care and cradle to grave health insurance with mental health benefits. None of those liberal benefits for us red blooded Americans! There’s a war on, don’tcha know. It takes a lot of money to fight terror. Ayup. How much money does it take to fight terror? How much have you got?

These essays were written for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of Vermont Soap, its employees, board of directors, our Web host, Web designer, the neighbors who live up the road; or any of the thousands of people who use our stuff. Originally published in edited form by Comic News. Many thanks to Seasoned Books, without which, life in the Holler may never have become a reality.