Up here in the Hollows, not all of us are up on all the fancy initials being thrown around in the press these days. So I have prepared the Handy Hollow guide to the Project for the New American Century, or PNAC. This is already affecting your life, so you need to know about it.

PNAC is a document, a policy guideline, a blueprint. It was written by Cheny and Wolfowitz and others currently in the power seat. So this is their gig, so to speak. We are in Iraq because of this plan, written long before 9-11.

When the Berlin wall came down, and the Soviet Block dissolved, a power vacuum was created for worldwide leadership. The opportunity to be the world empire leader was dumped at the feet of our nation. Many people were not comfortable with this role. Others were eager to seize the moment.

Unfortunately, the moment has passed.

The original policy architects are stubbornly pursuing their obsolete plan, while the rest of the world is increasingly unified against us.

So what could we have done differently—back in 1988 when the Berlin wall came down?

We could have immediately doubled foreign aid, from 1% to 2% of the Federal budget. We could have reorganized a portion of our military might to wage peace. Seriously, waging peace is a lot less stressful than waging war. Put in wells, sewage treatment plants, schools, teach family planning and health, and so on.

When famine and disaster strike, the American heroes would be there. Friends to all people and living things. Examples of peace, freedom, democracy and open exchange of goods and ideas. A true pax Americana. You can’t buy PR like that.

This is the pretense upon which the current administration would have us believe they function. If only it were so!

What Happened?

You know what happened. All the normal peace-loving folk went back to the farm. All the war-loving ones stayed to get their turn. Seems simplistic, but how many goods kids do you know itching to get into politics these days?

In case there’s anyone out there who hasn’t heard the news: Saddam had nothing to do with 9-11. He was, however, giving $25,000 to the families of Palestinian martyrs who blew themselves up killing Israeli citizens. You wanna bet this didn’t go and piss off a whole lot of people? So, yes. In this way he was supporting terror. I think only a few payments were made in this largely symbolic gesture, but it was a big “up yours” to our friend in the Middle East.

At least I think they are our friends. Friends help friends. Friends share information. Information like “Hello! 9-11 is going down!” Did the Israelis have advanced knowledge of the attack? Many people think so. Not one Israeli citizen died in the attack on the World Trade Center. They had a significant presence there, but that morning, no one came to work early.

I was an hour north of NY the day after the buildings went down, listening to a call-in radio show. A guy phones and says, “Hey! I was supposed to be in the building for an appointment at 8 a.m. I missed that appointment and it saved my life.” The commentator says something like, “That was very fortuitous for you. What made you late?”

The businessman stated that he got into 3 NY taxis. In every instance the Arab cabdriver refused to go to the World Trade Center. Three cabdrivers. Three refusals. “Today we do not go there. You will have to get out now.”

I listened to the guy’s voice. He sounded real. He sounded sane. He was hyped up and pissed off enough to make me believe this happened to him, but not so hyped up I figured him for being wacked. Brothers and sisters, I believe this man told the whole truth.

The taxi drivers knew, the Israelis knew, our Intelligence forces knew. The Secretary of State (yes—that’s Rumsfeld we are talking about), was not allowed to go there. Neither was that Mayor from San Francisco.

Rumsfeld probably knew. Bush definitely did not know. Lots and lots of other people knew.

Let’s talk about history, and the events that have traditionally led the United States into war.

It used to be, some fool blew up one of our ships, and off we went. The Maine (Spanish American War), the Lucitania (WW I) and Pearl Harbor (WW II). There was that boat that got blown up off Vietnam—I forget its name, but that escalated our involvement there. Nixon’s billionaire friend Robert something or another got the contract to de-mine the coastline. Not sure who got the contract to mine it, but that old swabby I talked with told me how the boats laying the mines and the boats picking them up would pass sometimes. The guys would trade for cigarettes and beer. Hey! We are all Americans here—why not be friends!

It seemed like such a good plan at the time. Sail a US Navy ship to the Port of Yemen. Lower security from medium-high to low just before you get there. Ignore the fact that US vessels had been avoiding the port for security reasons, and that Yemeni Intelligence put the likelihood of an attack on a US ship as very probable.

You see, under medium-high security our lads and lasses would have been vigilant and alert. No attacker could have gotten close enough to inflict damage. Our sailors were down below changing into their shore leave skivvies when the Zodiac boat sent a chunk of their hull to Kingdom Come.

The FBI went to investigate. Condoleeza Rice swept in and ordered the FBI team not to leave their hotel. They were to conduct their investigation without leaving the building or speaking to Yemeni nationals. There were other conditions as well, meant to insure that the truth would never be told. The #1 and #2 agents in charge resigned in protest.

As you know, the American people did not unite in indignation and insist on revenge for the Cole. We were more concerned with the economy, lack of affordable health care and childcare—normal, mundane stuff like that. No, it would take an attack on American soil to stir us up, unite us, and put us solidly behind the most delusional, simple (IQ 92), corrupt, and manipulated President ever to be selected by the Supreme Court. It would take the destruction of a symbol of American capitalism (the Towers) and an attack on our Military might (the Pentagon) to bring the country to heel. These two targets brought in line the citizenry and the military (and temporarily, Congress). PNAC already had the blueprint written for everything that came after. It was paint by numbers from there on out.

Afghanistan went pretty smoothly considering. The 1500 Taliban fighters who gave up and where stuffed into tractor trailers, hauled out into the desert and shot, were not so lucky. Maybe they believed they would get a fair break from the New Rome. Silly Afghans.

So where do you think all that heroin killing our children comes from?

There is more of course: How Osama was hired, trained, and equipped by the US. How he was visited by a CIA station chief while recovering from surgery in the early 90’s. How our boys were called back when they had him in their sights. How he is the best enemy the PNACers could ask for.

The War on Terror is much cooler than the Cold War. No real countries are involved, just a shadowy melange of wacko extremists. It is all very clear. Very scary. Very dangerous to talk about.

I believe in the Bat-Man approach. Remember: Evil shuns the light of day. It lives on shadows and smoke. At dusk, it appears huge and menacing. But, shine the light of day upon it, and it appears very small. We can see it for what it really is: greedy, manipulative fanatics with a specific, written agenda. There is not enough money. Not ever enough power, to fill the emptiness of their hollow souls.

I pity them, these Caesars and senators of the New Rome with visions of PNAC sugarplums dancing in their heads. They will never know the simple peace of a self-sufficient life in the Hollows, and the joy of being part of the changing seasons. They may never know what it truly means to be human.

These essays were written for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of Vermont Soap, its employees, board of directors, our Web host, Web designer, the neighbors who live up the road; or any of the thousands of people who use our stuff. Originally published in edited form by Comic News. Many thanks to Seasoned Books, without which, life in the Holler may never have become a reality.