You don’t have to live in the Holler to be frustrated with teenagers. I would have the same reaction anywhere I went. Teenagers, being the latest and most evolved humans on the planet, are simply putting in their time humoring the older obsolete model, until they can get back to the important work of their generation. And that work is communication. The current crop is absolutely the best connected group of people ever to be driven around the planet. Anyone who doesn’t know this should change their meds immediately. Teenagers have tools we never dreamed of 30 years ago. They have cell phones with built in text messaging, calculator, and camera. They have AIM. That’s the instant messaging service you see all the kids using. It enables them to carry on three or more “conversations” at once. Every kid past the age of nine can type faster and more accurately than any three-fingered essayist from the loony toon generation.

Despite the familiarity with digital devices, I find most teenagers to be provincial and conservative in their thinking and in their political philosophy; should they ever consider formulating one. Being pro-technology does not mean one is pro-intellectual. Being tied into the worldwide communication web does not mean one has anything thoughtful to communicate. All of this communication technology has in fact created a calcification of the brain. A kind of semi-permanent brain freeze. All wired up and nowhere to go. One root of this evil is television. Watching TV puts one into a semi-hypnotic state. One’s eyeballs are thrown images of what is considered “normal.” TV encourages taking a spectator approach to life.

Example:

         “I’m bored!”

         “But we live in a bookstore.”

         “I don’t like to read. Let’s get take out.”

It’s astonishing that people in constant communication with one another would have such poor communication skills. I’m not talking about ordering fries here. I’m talking about real interactive communication. Teachers talk of the phenomenon of suddenly realizing that every student is in a glazed-over semi-hypnotic state. The teacher was the substitute television! Teachers also talk about how clever their students are at mining the Internet for facts. They throw the facts down on a piece of paper and expect an A. No cognition required. It is simplistic to blame it all on television, true. I also blame curriculum-based education. Curriculum-based education is a fundamentally flawed system for nurturing the minds of the future keepers of the keys to Western civilization. However, it does provide a method for quantifying the monetary investment we make in our children’s day care (oops) schooling. Children are tested for basic competency and factual skills. Results can be tabulated, and the superintendents of the school districts can justify earning more than any (and most of the students) in the district could ever hope to.

A hundred years ago it was thought that the practice of mathematics would train and discipline the mind. Sort of pilates for the brain. Now even this narrow aspect of intelligence has been supplanted by a convenient “intel inside” chip. Unfortunately, human “intel” has atrophied as a result. We are not taught to think, learn, problem solve, or question authority. We are however, taught to sit in our seats quietly, to line up and wait, to do as we are told, and to regurgitate fake facts about war “heroes.” We are also taught how to consume goods and services at a rate a Pasha of Arabia would blush at just 100 years ago. In fact, we consume information the same way we consume potato chips.

Question: “Which brand of potato chip/news service do you like?” Answer: “They are ALL full of fat and salt—no content.” Question: “But I am filled up after eating/watching my potato chip/news service.” Answer: “Being full-on fake food or fake facts does not constitute a sustainable diet for body or brain.”

Walk into any gym and you will find ample empirical evidence that the body responds dramatically to exercise. Guess what? The mind responds the same way to use or disuse. What intellectual training exercises have your teenagers done today? Chess? Puzzles? Reading? Crafts/artwork? Reading Comic News?

It is true that we become what we think. Are we raising alert, alive free thinkers that will fix the mess they will one day inherit? At worst we are raising a crop of overwhelmed, overstimulated, hyperactive, medicated, self-obsessed consumers. At best, they will become the genius heroes we know them to be. Unplug the TV and tell ’em it’s broken. They will get over it in an hour or two. Lazy brains are made, not born. It takes an entire childhood to turn vibrant, curious, rebellious youth into rampaging consumers. Guess I’ll grab a straw and a bag of chips and watch the news while talking on the phone and doing homework. Or then again, maybe I’ll just take a walk in the Holler.

These essays were written for entertainment purposes only. The views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of Vermont Soap, its employees, board of directors, our Web host, Web designer, the neighbors who live up the road; or any of the thousands of people who use our stuff. Originally published in edited form by Comic News. Many thanks to Seasoned Books, without which, life in the Holler may never have become a reality.